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While it has taken some time, a lot and lot of time, I am super blessed to finally be able to say I am pregnant! Just a little over 13 weeks, to be exact.
I've known that I wanted to be a surrogate for quite sometime, years and years. Since before I even had Presley and Canon.
I suppose since this is my first blog post in a while instead of an obnoxiously long piece covering start to finish, I'll answer the most common questions I've received thus far from friends, family, or strangers who come to find out I am a gestational carrier. Then whenever I post again, I'll do another blurb of common questions.
It was a commitment I made to myself a very long time ago.
I've always been busy with college, kids, and work.
In July of 2017, I felt it was time I did something for myself and I finally started researching the process. I decided before I was 30, that I wanted to complete a surrogacy journey. I am now 28, turning 29 in November, and set to deliver Baby Chinito in September. So it looks like I will be checking surrogacy off the list a year before my dirty thirty!
A FEW SURROGACY TERMS I MAY USE BELOW
GC-- Gestational Carrier (me)
IP-- Intended Parents (parents to be)
IVF-- In Vitro Fertilization
CAN ANYBODY BE A SURROGATE?
This is the general checklist that you must meet to even be considered. After that, you are required to send in all of your pregnancy and labor and deliver records for doctors to evaluate.
Another thing I am surprised that isn't on the list below, is to be sure you are done with your own family. Surrogacy can cause secondary infertility; so if you plan to have more kids afterwards, there is chances you would not be able to conceive naturally. I have def seen come girls that get pregnant with their own after a surrogacy, so it's possible, but better to be safe and done. Additionally, as with all pregnancies, there is the chance you could lose a tube(s), uterus, etc.
DO THEY JUST PUT THE DAD'S SPERM IN YOU?
No sperm via turkey baster. They put an embryo in me.
ARE YOU RELATED TO THE BABY?
There are two types of surrogates. Gestational surrogates and traditional surrogates.
I am a gestational surrogate. This means I am not genetically related to the baby. I am just the carrier. They take the male's sperm and the female's egg, create an embryo, and then put that embryo inside of me by doing IVF. So, nope.
Not related. In my case, I will be delivering a Chinese and white baby!
Traditional surrogates, on the other hand use their egg, so they are related to the baby.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO FEEL BAD GIVING YOUR BABY UP?
Well, this directly connects to the question above-- it's not my baby. And I would never consider this giving a baby up, I am giving the baby back to their parents. It was my job to carry and deliver; never in the plans to keep.
It seems to be the most common thing said to me by women, "I could never carry my child and give it up, " or "I would grow a bond with the baby and not feel right giving it away."
I smile and just say, "Yeah, that's probably why I am being a surrogate and you aren't."
I can say I would be naive to say that I won't feel a bond with the baby, it is indeed inside of me. But bonding does not mean "mine." Many people bond with nieces, nephews, siblings, their friend's children, students, patients... bonds are great! Do you want to keep all those kids, just because you've grown a bond with them?
HOW DID YOU GET STARTED?
Initially I began working with an agency. You fill out applications, then they do all the work for you. They schedule your appointments, find you a match, do the paperwork-- you basically are guided along by them through calls and emails of what is to come next.
I was matched in December of 2017 with the agency and it fell through. I also knew you could do something called an independent surrogacy or an "indy journey" that cut out the agency, allowed the surrogates to find her own IPs to work with, and have a much more hands on journey, so I decided to try there.
There are websites and Facebook groups that surrogates and IPs can join to find matches. Most of the posts would include some pictures and a short little bio. If you were interested in talking to somebody, you simply commented on the post or sent them a message through Facebook Messenger.
From joining one Facebook matching group alone, I was contacted by over 100 intended parents looking for a surrogate. It was a bit overwhelming at first, I can't lie. With the agency, I only got to see two profiles and never had direct communication with parents unless they arranged it. It was slim picking. I only talked to one couple even though I was working with them for months.
This had me for weeks communicating with intended parents and sorting through people I felt some kind of interest and connection with. It was literally hours of communication. The most I'd ever spoken to strangers, even more than drunk bar conversations with all those other nice folks Ive met over the years.
The questions were endless and of course, there was pressure with every couple, I mean it there are far more couples looking for surrogates. Each couple essentially was praying that they would win the golden ticket. So narrowing it down was tough.
My biggest goal, from the beginning, I would always tell Jeremiah that I wanted to pick the person who I felt nobody else would pick.
All of the picture perfect couples were so great and so nice, but they would find a surrogate, for sure.
I would up going with a single male and honestly can say I adore him so much.
DO YOUR KIDS KNOW?
Jizelle, Presley, Taliyah, and Canon all know I am pregnant, of course!
I would never tell them that this is a surrogacy though...
SIKE.
Duh, they know! They are kids and have a million questions.
They understand that:
I was sick and had to take lots of shots to help the baby be healthy
We are not keeping the baby
The baby is not their sibling
The baby is not ours (as in terms of Jeremiah or I being the parent)
They know there was a surgery that placed the baby in my tummy
They know we are helping a man have his first baby
That's about all they need to know.
Kids brains can handle about anything you throw their way, and they've known for about 2 years this was coming. So at this point, to them, it seems normal.
They actually take it better than most of these Beaufort adults, if I am being honest!
I SUPPOSE THAT'S IT FOR NOW.
XoXo.
Hug, love, and lots of kisses.
Cheers,
Ty